Round 4

Well here we are again, in the two week waiting period to find out if we're pregnant. We did the insems Saturday and Sunday-3 eggs, and all else looked great; so we'll see if any of them stick! I'm trying desparately to not psych myself out this time. I'm not obsessing (yet), I'm not abusing Dr. Google, I'm just trying to take it as it comes, and go one day at a time. We did decide that we weren't going to find out the progesterone levels this time-I'd rather fly blind the whole two weeks than see a number and try to speculate what that means! One thing is for sure...this ordeal has really brought Eric and I much closer together. It has been very difficult, and even more so that we have chosen not to tell Jake what we're doing. We have had to make excuses several weekends in order to make these early morning appointments on the weekends, and i hate having to lie to him. I just think that he would be feeling all of the disappointments that we are, and that can't be good for an 11 year old!!

As many of you may know, Eric and I have been under the care of the AMAZING Dr. Werlin, an infertility specialist in Irvine since last August. While we are very fortunate and blessed with the son we have, we are both longing for more children, and it has been a lot more challenging to realize that dream than we ever anticipated! I know...it seems weird that we have a child yet need to go through the infertility process...but I am a firm believer in the fact that GOD has a plan for us...it's just taking a little too long, so we felt like we'd give fate a bit of a medical nudge!!I have been struggling with starting this "outlet"-a place that I can write about what we are going through, feelings, issues; all of the ups and downs in the infertility world. I now have some time to make the leap, so here I am!



The past 6 months have been incredibly difficult. There are huge ups (so you think at the time), and then even bigger let downs. We have used the IUI method 3 times so far, to no avail, and The Werl has told us that we can do that one more time before we have to start looking at IVF. YIKES!!! I'm not sure how realistic of an option that is for us at this point, so I'll continue my mantra of "THIS time, it WILL work!" and hope and pray that it does.



So far this month (round 4), I have started the clomid, and we are looking at the end of next week for insem. Then the two weeks of hell start!! It's the waiting game...am I feeling anything? Am I more tired, crampy, hungry, swollen than usual? Am I imagining that I am? I can tell you (and my poor husband can back me!) that I have been much more moody lately, but this apparently is attributed to the hormones that are elevated from the clomid. I will say that I WILL NOT be doing any more home pregnancy tests. There is nothing more depressing than seeing that one lonely line...so i refuse to do that to myself anymore!! I REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME! The first time, I took FIVE tests, like a big dummy. The second time, two; and the last time just one. It's just been a process of weaning myself I think, so I should be good this time!


I have become very familiar with "Dr. Google" (as Claudia lovingly refers to it!) in the last 6 months, and spend countless, insane hours reading, re-reading and obsessing about EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING INFERTILITY...and I especially love to read other people's journeys as they battle through. My problem is that I tend to OVERanalyze everything, so it's not been a healthy relationship between Dr. Google and I. Thank goodness he can't judge me or my insanity!!

I will have an update after next Wed..our "day 10" appointment!